SpikedHumor News Article Requests

[Rhuitron]

HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) - A 16-year-old girl thought she heard her mother being assaulted by her boyfriend and rounded up some friends who beat him up, only to learn later that the couple actually were having sex, the woman and police said.

The girl misinterpreted the woman's amorous screams, and she and four other teens went to the woman's bedroom in the Torrington home on June 6, police Lt. Bruce Whiteley said Thursday. One of the teens beat the 25-year-old man with a bat and others punched him, police said. He suffered a black eye and several bruises.

The girl, two 17-year-old boys and Dilyen Langdeau, 19, of Torrington, were arrested Tuesday night and arraigned in Bantam Superior Court on Wednesday. Langdeau was charged with assault and conspiracy; the teens face similar counts. The fifth teenager was not charged.

A judge sealed the police report. The names of the girl and the two boys were not released because of their ages.

The 34-year-old woman, Melanie Arnold, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the girl is her daughter. Arnold denied she was screaming, and said her daughter thought she heard a slap and believed an assault was happening.

"Instead of asking what was going on, they assumed and took matters into their own hands," Arnold said. "Now they have to learn a lesson."

The teens knocked on the bedroom door and Arnold opened it, according to the couple, who recently broke up.

The teens rushed into the room and the man, Roger Swanson, said he didn't have a chance to explain himself. He said he tried to get away, but the teens chased him down and started beating him in the house.

He said he knelt down over a chair and tried to protect his face, but got hit in the eye and in the back. He said Arnold covered his back to try to protect him, but the teen with the bat started hitting him in the legs. Then the youths left.

"What if they fight someone else and those guys don't walk away? What if they kill somebody?" he said. "Then they're going to spend the rest of their lives in jail. These kids need to learn, go through the court system and see if you do something to somebody, you see what happens."



Source:
http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_19886/cont...tguid=98OMtSsr

User:
http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=162717

Completed

[ug7344]

A McDonald's employee says two Denver police officers were waiting for their order at the drive-through window in the early morning hours when one of them grew impatient and pulled a weapon.

Source

ug7344

god these cops are fucking retards

COMPLETED

[elcidcampeon]

Woman in wheelchair rams purse snatcher.

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/07/...5561248813338/

COMPLETED

Add Your Profile Link Next Time

[elcidcampeon]

straight from a movie:

suspect, handcuffed, manages to steal police car

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2009/07/...9391248812902/

edit: profile link as requested: elcidcampeon

[Rhuitron]

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) - A South Carolina man was charged with having sex with a horse after the animal's owner caught the act on videotape, then staked out the stable and caught him at shotgun point, authorities said Wednesday.

But this wasn't the first time Rodell Vereen has been charged with buggery. He pleaded guilty last year to having sex with the same horse after owner Barbara Kenley found him in the same stable and was sentenced to probation and placed on the state's sex offender list.

Kenley said she noticed several weeks ago her 21-year-old horse Sugar was acting strange and getting infections again. She noticed things in the barn had been moved around - dirt piled up and bales of hay stacked near the horse's stall at her Lazy B Stables in Longs, about 20 miles northeast of Myrtle Beach.

"Police kept telling me it couldn't be the same guy," Kenley said Wednesday. "I couldn't believe that there were two guys going around doing this to the same horse."

She spent several nights at the stables, which are about four miles from her home, but didn't find anything. So she installed surveillance cameras, and when she reviewed the footage from July 19, she couldn't believe she was seeing the same man doing the same thing to her horse.

Kenley didn't call police because she was certain the man would come back to the stable, and she wanted to make sure he was arrested. So she staked out the barn and caught Vereen inside Monday night, chasing him to his truck and holding him with her shotgun until police came.

"He said he wasn't there to do anything, and I said, 'I know you were. I have you on tape.' And then he said he was sorry if he hurt me," Kenley said.

Vereen, 50, was first charged with trespassing, but police added a buggery charge after watching the surveillance tape. He faces up to five years if convicted. Vereen was already on probation after pleading guilty to buggery last year and was sentenced to three years of probation, ordered to stay away from the Lazy B Stables and declared a sex offender. He remains in jail, awaiting a hearing Monday to determine if he violated his probation.

Officials said they did not know if he has an attorney.

Vereen has had mental problems for several years, but seemed to get better after getting court-ordered treatment last year, said his brother, the Rev. James Vereen, who lives just down the street from his brother and the stables.

"He's done all right when he was on the medicine. I don't know if he is still taking it," said James Vereen, who added his brother has kept to himself a lot in the last few months.

Horry County police don't often investigate animal sex allegations, spokesman Sgt. Robert Kegler said. In fact, he said the last person charged with buggery in the county was Rodell Vereen in late 2007.

Kenley said she caught him then too. She stopped by her stable on Thanksgiving Day and found a man asleep in the hay by her horse, who had been locked in her stall, a mound of dirt and a stool behind her.

She said she thought about shooting Vereen both times, but didn't want to go to prison.

"Everyone around here has horses," Kenley said. "And they all said the same thing. You should have shot him."


Source:
http://m.apnews.com/ap/db_16026/cont...tguid=FIEINxQ2

User:
http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=162717

/que sarcasm/
*NAH! It cant be that SAME guy!*
/end sarcasm/

Completed

[elcidcampeon]

Once you Game, you just can't stop: Video Gaming is supposedly a life addiction, according to studies

http://www.livescience.com/culture/0...deo-games.html

user: elcidcampeon

Completed

[Rhuitron]

Scammers at the Riviera Hotel Casino clearly failed to check the event calendar when the installed a fake cashpoint - and were duly shut down by eagle-eyed hackers attending the DefCon convention.

As reported over on Wired, the ATM - which was placed in the hotel's conference centre where the DefCon convention was taking place - appeared to be a standard stand-alone unit, sat outside of the range of surveillance cameras. Sadly for anyone that needed a quick buck or two to feed into the slot machines, the device hid a card skimmer - designed to record the account details and PIN of any card inserted.

It isn't known how long the machine was in place, nor who installed it - but it is known that hacker and CEO of Aries Security Brian Markus is responsible for getting it removed. Having spotted that the smoked glass on the front of the unit - which usually hides a small camera positioned to record the face of anyone using the machine for fraud prevention purposes - looked "funny", he shone a torch at the machine to peek behind the panel. Rather than the expected camera, Markus saw a PC connected to the machine's innards - and recording card information.

Although the ATM was carefully positioned to avoid hotel security cameras, whoever put the device in place clearly had a sense of irony as it was placed directly outside the hotel's security office - with none of the security employees any the wiser that something was amiss until Markus pointed out his suspicions.

The ATM has since been removed by hotel security staff, and an investigation is taking place to discover exactly how long the skimmer was in place - and hopefully find those responsible.

Do you think that the crooks behind this scheme had the worst timing - trying to scam a hacker convention - or could it have been placed by one of the conference attendees in order to teach his fellow hackers a lesson in information security?

Source:
http://www.bit-tech.net/news/bits/20...raudlent-atm/1

User:
http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=162717

*Please, Jayne?*

[The Master]

Florida investigators say a man accused of downloading child pornography is blaming his cat.

Story Link
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/

Profile Link
http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=137476

Completed

[flynn]

The girl with two vaginas

Suffering periods that lasted up to 21 days and finding sex difficult, Lauren Williams knew that something was wrong.

The 28-year-old from Chingford, Essex, was stunned to discover she had been born with a rare medical condition, which left her with two vaginas, two wombs and two cervixes.

Following the shocking diagnosis, and after an operation to create one single vagina, Lauren is enjoying life more and is even able to laugh about her unique configuration.

In her early twenties, Lauren could never have guessed the reason why she found some sexual positions uncomfortable.

"I just presumed I must have a short vagina." It was only when she went for a smear test at 24 that she was alerted to the fact that she could have a medical problem. Lauren explains: "I'd had smear tests done before but they were all with nurses. This time I saw a doctor who said that something didn't look quite right down there and referred me to a gynaecologist."

By this time, Lauren also had concerns about her periods which were lasting 21 days. "I put it down to the fact that I'd been using a contraceptive implant for three years which had made my cycle go haywire."

The gynaecologist diagnosed Lauren with a bicornuate uterus, which meant that it had a septum down the middle giving it the shape of a heart.

As this could have increased her chances of miscarriage in the future, she was booked in for an operation to fix it.

After coming round from the anaesthetic, a doctor came to tell her that she'd been misdiagnosed.

"He arrived with a troop of other medics and sat on my bed," Lauren recalls. "He seemed quite excited and said that they'd got the prognosis wrong. I didn't have a bicornuate uterus after all. I actually had two of everything. Two uteruses, two cervixes and two vaginas. I was shocked. I'd never noticed that I had two vaginas and none of my previous boyfriends had either. Even the doctor said he'd never seen anything like it before."

The surgeon removed the barrier between her two vaginas, leaving her with one big one. "The vagina I was using was half the size of a normal one."

Following the operation Lauren had to keep packing her vagina with giant swabs to prevent a new barrier from forming.

"I'd never really examined myself down there before," she says. "But it seemed strange to me how none of the doctors and nurses that I'd seen over the years had cottoned on to the problem."

"I was worried that I'd been left with a huge vagina, but I felt uncomfortable about bringing it up with the doctors." It was two weeks before Lauren was able to have sex with her boyfriend of a year, Mike, 31.

"He wasn't at all fazed by my medical revelation, but the first time we made love after the operation was a big deal for me. I felt like I was some sort of born again virgin. The sex was fine though and I no longer found certain positions uncomfortable."

Lauren has now been able to lead a normal life. "Having two of everything doesn't bother me. I find it quite amusing and don't mind telling people about it." If she decides to have a family she will have to take extra precautions while pregnant. "The doctor told me that conceiving won't be a problem as the uterus with the baby inside will push the other one to one side. But I'll have to use condoms throughout the pregnancy to stop myself falling pregnant in my other womb. That's going to feel really weird."

Lauren separated from Mike in March last year and has been single ever since.

"My vagina looks completely normal so I've got no fears about getting into a new relationship. As a veterinary nurse I compare myself to a cat as they've got two uterine horns! I accept who I am and any boyfriend will have to too inside and out."

Source

Flynn

Completed

[Violetninja420]

Ted Kennedy has died.

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/TedKe...ory?id=6692022

http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=74231

WTF NO WHEN?

[flynn]

Patrick Swayze dies at 57.

http://www.cbc.ca/arts/story/2009/09...ayze-dies.html

flynn

[Violetninja420]

Johns Hopkins student kills intruder with a samurai sword.

LINK MAH BOI

Proud Sensei

Completed

[exploder]

Sorry it's maybe kinda political. I suggest it because we need good news like this to take the edge / fear off sometimes. Certainly no insult if it doesn't fit in.

Intelligence Agencies Say No New Nukes in Iran

http://www.newsweek.com/id/215529

Serious News Completed

[G-This]

Ambulances and fire trucks were dispatched to the Northern Virginia home of Sen. Robert Byrd Tuesday morning.

A neighbor of the 91-year-old West Virginia Democrat said several ambulances were outside his residence in McLean, Va., and a Byrd spokesman said the senator suffered a fall in his home.

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0909/27429.html
http://SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=21069

[The Master]

IS this a marketing stunt, an elaborate hoax or a bizarre attempt by one of the world's biggest food producers to protect an iconic breakfast cereal from imitators?

The British PR office for Kellogg's claimed on its Twitter feed today that it has succeeded in etching its brand into individual corn flakes so they stand out against any copies.

Story Link
http://www.news.com.au/technology/st...014239,00.html

Profile Link
http://www.SpikedHumor.com/Profile.aspx?UserID=137476

[Pwningnubs18]

Man pleads guilty to DWI in motorized Lay-Z-Boy!
Story link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_lounge_chair_dwi
Profile link:
Nubs